Anonomous Interveiw. 20 March 2011.
Cameron, J.J, and M. Ross. 2007. In times of uncertainty: Predicting the survival of long-distance relationships. The Journal of Social Psychology 147: 581-604
Guldner, G.T.2003. Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide. Corona, CA: JFMilne Publications.
Knox, and Schacht. Choices in Relationships. 10th ed. 2010. Print.
Mehta, A.M (2008, Aug.). How to Manage a Long Distance Relationship. http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2008/08/06/long-distance-relationship/
Rhonda Bryne, R.B. (2007). The Secret
Retrieved from http://www.thesecret.tv/
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Secret to a Sucessful Relationship
If you have ever heard of The Secret, a scientific secret those great leaders such as Michelangelo and other important leaders knew about long ago. This secret was recently discovered and has been a very popular concept to people around the world. When we think positive thoughts, conscious or unconscious, positive actions will happen to us. When we think negative thoughts, negative things will happen. Meaning, what we perceive the world as, is in actuality what the world will perceive us as.
When we have feelings, they are caused by our thoughts. However, if you change the way you think and perceive the world, good emotions and feelings will overcome you, which will in turn make you focused on your desires and the future will be much brighter.
Fear of the unknown, guilt, and other bad feelings will only cause stress and will show in your emotions and mood. What does this have to do with long term relationships? Well, if you feel the love that is surrounding you, even when it isn’t physically there, instead of feeling upset and regretful that you’re not with your partner, your partner will feel that signal. I know, this sounds crazy. However, it has worked for many people. Your relationship will benefit greatly, and all the tension from feeling upset. In relationships, were very used to complaining about other people. When we complain about those things, were only asking for more of what we are complaining about to occur. The Secret can help many people, and couples, overcome their problems in life.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Interveiw of a Long-Distance Relationship
1. How did you and your partner first meet?
At a mutual friends house
2. How long have you been in a long-distance relationship?
15 months
3. What problems have you experienced with communication since you've been apart? If so, how have you worked these problems out?
We are only able to talk to each other about once a day. It is usually at the same time everyday, in the evening. There aren't any communication issues, except sometimes we run out of things to talk about.
4. Do you set time apart to spend time with each other on a regular basis? How often?
Yes, we spend Christmas and holidays together. We also spend birthdays together. We don’t really plan time to see each other, but we seem to work out time regardless.
5. Have you or your partner ever experienced problems with jealousy? Explain.
Yes, my partner gets jealous of my social life. He is in military school, so it's a little different for him.
6. What is the #1 word of advice would you give to a couple who have recently started their long-distance relationship?
Write! It’s really romantic, and attempt to talk to them on a daily basis.
7. Have the both of you decided on a set of relationship standards that you have both mutually agreed upon? What are your standards?
No cheating, of any kind whatsoever. It’s okay to be friends with the opposite sex as long as we just stay as friends.
8. Do you find that you appreciate your partner more now that you are far away from him/her?
A little bit, I wish he was here but at least I don’t get aggravated with him. We don’t fight at all.
9. How often do you communicate with your partner? How often do you talk about your future together?
We communicate every day; we have discussed our life after college. We plan on living together at the beach.
10. Have you and your partner become, overall, closer or do you seem to not have as much in common anymore?
We have grown as a couple; I wouldn't necessarily say we've become closer. However we both have realized how much we truly love each other.
At a mutual friends house
2. How long have you been in a long-distance relationship?
15 months
3. What problems have you experienced with communication since you've been apart? If so, how have you worked these problems out?
We are only able to talk to each other about once a day. It is usually at the same time everyday, in the evening. There aren't any communication issues, except sometimes we run out of things to talk about.
4. Do you set time apart to spend time with each other on a regular basis? How often?
Yes, we spend Christmas and holidays together. We also spend birthdays together. We don’t really plan time to see each other, but we seem to work out time regardless.
5. Have you or your partner ever experienced problems with jealousy? Explain.
Yes, my partner gets jealous of my social life. He is in military school, so it's a little different for him.
6. What is the #1 word of advice would you give to a couple who have recently started their long-distance relationship?
Write! It’s really romantic, and attempt to talk to them on a daily basis.
7. Have the both of you decided on a set of relationship standards that you have both mutually agreed upon? What are your standards?
No cheating, of any kind whatsoever. It’s okay to be friends with the opposite sex as long as we just stay as friends.
8. Do you find that you appreciate your partner more now that you are far away from him/her?
A little bit, I wish he was here but at least I don’t get aggravated with him. We don’t fight at all.
9. How often do you communicate with your partner? How often do you talk about your future together?
We communicate every day; we have discussed our life after college. We plan on living together at the beach.
10. Have you and your partner become, overall, closer or do you seem to not have as much in common anymore?
We have grown as a couple; I wouldn't necessarily say we've become closer. However we both have realized how much we truly love each other.
How make your long-distance relationship last!
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"... How much sense does this quote really make? Does being away from your loved one for extended periods of time really help your relationship in the long run, or does there need to be daily contact for that spark to last? Many people can debate on this issue. In the end, if you really love the person, of course you will do anything to make the relationship last. The real issue is if you want to put in the effort to make the relationship work or not.
You ask what effort is required to make a long distance relationship work. Communication, without a doubt is the number one issue most long-distance, LD, couples face. You have to learn how to have an intimate conversation without being physically infront of your partner. Skype and other technology is a very popular tool that most couples use to create the feeling of being closer. This allows for non-verbal expressions, body language, to be expressed.
How often should you communicate? This is different for every couple. However, talking to your partner for a half hour or so every night should be enough. It really just depends on how comfortable you are with the relationship and your own personal preferences. Creating a daily routine is always best so that you can be secure and rely on each other. It also helps you to plan your day around that very important phone call!
(Also, writing letters is a cute and romantic way to stay in touch. Written communication can be kept and treasured.) Okay, so besides communication what can keep your relationship steadfast and strong?
Happiness, which seems like common sense, is actually the second most important factor of keeping a long term relationship. Your happiness and optimism will show in everything you do and will also reflect in your partner. If you and your partner are happy individuals, feelings of uneasiness will subside, and you can further build upon your relationship.
These two aspects are extremely important to keep a relationship. Sadly, happiness and optimism, as great as they seem, still do not keep your relationship perfect. Fights will occur. However, if you understand how to handle them, they can be dealt with without being dragged out for days, or weeks.
First of all, know that it’s okay to fight. It’s unhealthy to keep you feelings in. Dealing with your issues will make you both grow closer together. One important thing to keep in mind is that you might say things over the phone that you would not say in person, so it’s a good idea talk your issues out over a web cam. Also, don’t bring up past issues, be fair and talk about the current issue. Bringing up issues from the past always cause further problems. Be mature and get to the core root of the problem, so it can be fixed without ongoing tension and resentment.
On a final note, have fun! Having a social life outside of your relationship is a must. Do not put your life on hold because your partner is not with you, and definitely don’t feel bad about going out with your friends. As long as you are true and uphold your promises to the relationship, there should be no need for a feeling of isolation from your daily life. It will actually make your relationship better because a happier you will vastly improve the happiness of your partner.
So remember, be optimistic about the future, communicate on a daily basis, and enjoy yourself! Any couple can make their relationship last, even while hundreds of miles apart from one another.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Deciding on whether or not to become involved in a long-distance relationship?
One third of college students will eventually become involved in a long-distance relationship (Cameron and Ross 2007).
When analyzing a sample of 438 undergraduates at a southeastern university on their attitudes and involvement in long-distance relationships, he found that 20 percent were currently involved in a long-distance relationship, and 37 had been previously.
The saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" seems to be deemed true by those who have not been separated. However, 40 percent of people who have experienced a long term relationship agreed more with the statement "out of sight, out of mind". One responder said, "I got tired of being lonely, and the women around me started looking good."
However, Guldner (2003) explained that long-distance relationships are no more likely to end because of infidelity than those relationships in which partners lived in the same town. Meaning the quality of the relationship and personality of the individuals are much more important factors than distance.
When analyzing a sample of 438 undergraduates at a southeastern university on their attitudes and involvement in long-distance relationships, he found that 20 percent were currently involved in a long-distance relationship, and 37 had been previously.
The saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" seems to be deemed true by those who have not been separated. However, 40 percent of people who have experienced a long term relationship agreed more with the statement "out of sight, out of mind". One responder said, "I got tired of being lonely, and the women around me started looking good."
However, Guldner (2003) explained that long-distance relationships are no more likely to end because of infidelity than those relationships in which partners lived in the same town. Meaning the quality of the relationship and personality of the individuals are much more important factors than distance.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Introduction to Long Term Dating
A long term relationship is defined as a separation by 5 or more hours for three or more months. Couples are usually separated because of school differences (the distances between two colleges). However, other reasons such as online dating exist as well.
Advantages of long distance dating:
1. Keeps relationship high/wont get sick of partner
2. Time to devote to school/career
3. People look better from afar
Disadvantages of long distance dating:
1. Frustration by not being with partner
2. Miss out on other activities/restricting your access to other people
3. Miss out on daily physical intimacy
4. Trust and Jealousy
Outcomes:
~20% breakup
~20% relationship got worse
~20% improved relationship
~40% mixed results
What can you do?
1. Maintain daily contact
Couples need to talk to each other on a daily basis to keep up with the partners troubles, achievements and daily lives.
2. Enjoy use of time when apart
Instead of being sad that your partner is not at your side, couples need to get involved in activities and hobbies that they enjoy. This can help one not to be as depended on their partner
3. Avoid conflicted phone conversations
People say many things over the phone and in texts that they would not necessarily say to a persons face. It is best to work out issues in person.
4. Stay monogamous
Do not cheat on your partner. This is very important because it is easy to become attached to someone else when you’re having a physical relationship with that person. If you truly love your partner, you won’t feel the need to cheat on them while they are not in town.
5. Plan time together
It is very important for couples to plan time to spend with each other. For example, during breaks from school and on holidays and birthdays would be an excellent time to spend with them
Advantages of long distance dating:
1. Keeps relationship high/wont get sick of partner
2. Time to devote to school/career
3. People look better from afar
Disadvantages of long distance dating:
1. Frustration by not being with partner
2. Miss out on other activities/restricting your access to other people
3. Miss out on daily physical intimacy
4. Trust and Jealousy
Outcomes:
~20% breakup
~20% relationship got worse
~20% improved relationship
~40% mixed results
What can you do?
1. Maintain daily contact
Couples need to talk to each other on a daily basis to keep up with the partners troubles, achievements and daily lives.
2. Enjoy use of time when apart
Instead of being sad that your partner is not at your side, couples need to get involved in activities and hobbies that they enjoy. This can help one not to be as depended on their partner
3. Avoid conflicted phone conversations
People say many things over the phone and in texts that they would not necessarily say to a persons face. It is best to work out issues in person.
4. Stay monogamous
Do not cheat on your partner. This is very important because it is easy to become attached to someone else when you’re having a physical relationship with that person. If you truly love your partner, you won’t feel the need to cheat on them while they are not in town.
5. Plan time together
It is very important for couples to plan time to spend with each other. For example, during breaks from school and on holidays and birthdays would be an excellent time to spend with them
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